The Intellectual Fantasy Game.

Okay, so it's not really a game.

Unless you all want it to be. But as I was dropping Erflet off at Daycare this morning, one of the providers (who's around my age) and I were discussing our 'Hollywood Freebies'. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, it's the one Hollywood star you'd do the hibbidy-dibbidy with if you had a free pass.

Dude, you wish you had my daycare. Honestly, I'd be uncomfortable if they DIDN'T feel comfortable sharing their freebies with me.

Erf and I have a very open relationship regarding our crushes. We can be sitting there watching a movie and I'll say, "God, Will Smith is so damn hot. You'd totally do him." and Erf will say, "Fuck yeah, I'd do Will Smith!" Sometimes we disagree. But usually our tastes are pretty in tune.

Because I have so many Hollywood crushes, I'm going to give you a small sampling today. Also known as my Intellectual Hollywood crushes. Because while I wouldn't necessarily have sex with them (Because two of them are gay anyhow), I'd love to live with them, talk with them, explore their psyche.... Because I think they're brilliant actors.

First up is Anthony Hopkins. Bitches, please. You knew he was gonna be on here, so don't start. I first fell in love with Sir Anthony years ago when my dad exposed me to The Silence Of The Lambs for the first time. I adore that movie, and the character of Hannibal fascinated me. Hannibal is intensely intelligent, refined, and a total gentleman. Except for the whole murder-thing. And even then, he murdered those who offended his nature.

Yes, I'm fucked up. I have an odd fascination with serial killers, so sue me. Not that I have urges to become one myself, I just love the psychology of it all. And Hannibal? He's the classiest killer of them all.

Also, Anthony Hopkins is marvelous in pretty much every film I've ever seen him in. Hearts In Atlantis, Dracula, The Edge, Meet Joe Black, Amistad, The Mask Of Zorro, the list goes on. Sir Anthony? Let's have dinner and chat. However, I refuse to serve fava beans and a nice Chianti. Perhaps a nice sweet white?

Donald Sutherland. I never really had much of a fascination with him (Kiefer, on the other hand, is a different story - because Jack Bauer... Hello!) until Dirty Sexy Money. He portrayed Patrick 'Tripp' Darling III with such a finesse that I couldn't help but love him as that character.

By the way, ABC, I fucking hate you for cancelling DSM. Bitches.

His voice is captivating, and his utter perfection of his portrayal of the aristocrat Tripp is just... Fantastic. Donald, let's have drinks sometime, yes? Call me.

I don't give a flying mothercock who you are. You fucking love Julie Andrews. And bitches be loving Julie if bitches know what be best for bitches. I was not a fan of Mary Poppins, but she was gorgeous. My personal preference was for Sister Maria... How do you solve a problem like Maria? Apparently by hooking her shit up with a crazy former sea captain. Because somewhere in her youth or childhood, she must have done something good.

Except eavesdropping on the nuns. That was naughty. However, from a young age, her voice and aura captivated me. The only other movies I've ever seen her in were the Princess Diaries and the Shreks, but she's still just has an innate beauty and grace. Yo, Jules. Let's have tea, I'll break out the fine china and the Lipton.

Who DIDN'T love Michael Caine in Miss Congeniality? "It's all in the buttocks, don't I look pretty!" He's just... Awesome. He's so multi-faceted in his acting. He's got a charming accent, and he was excellent as Garth in Secondhand Lions. "You don't think I killed all those men 'n saved Hub?" He does deadpan sarcasm so well... Multi-faceted. That's really the best way to begin and end my Ode to Michael. Michael, even if you are gay, let's do lunch. I promise not to drink beer and I'll even tell you how pretty your buttocks are.

Rupert Everett... Prince Charming... That accent, those eyes, that physique. Alas, he's also gay, so he goes on my intellectual list.

But rest assured knowing that I'd actually have intercourse with one of the people on this list. If he wasn't interested in poo factories instead of poon.

I'm just not one for getting man chowdah up my 'other' pussy. Sorry. So, um. How about breakfast? Cause I've got other plans for the rest of the day.