This was just too funny not to make into a blog post. Here is a conversation I had this afternoon with a guy I met on OkCupid (texts are typed verbatim):
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Me: Perhaps. I don't kiss and tell. :)
Guy: LOL but do you swallow :p
Me: It is the difference between like and love... ;)
Guy: Really that's how you let a guy know you love him lol
Me: No, otherwise I would be in love a lot...
Guy: LMAO your such a smartass
Me: Usually... Few can keep up with me in a battle of wits.
Guy: Good thing I fight with sarcasm
Me: I sense a challenge. Don't think I won't kick your geriatric ass, old man.
Guy: You must have me confused with your other men
Me: Probably. You're all so interchangable.
Guy: Just like women
Me: Playing the 'lump the gender into a stereotype' game, huh? lol
Guy: LOL one hole is the same as another ;)
Me: Very nice, that was pretty good. But the fetus cannon doesn't talk.
Guy: Neither should the cum dumpster
Me: Agreed. Women spew forth such worthless drivel.
Guy: You are hilarious
Me: Thank you, I agree. :) You're doing a decent job keeping up with me.
Guy: I think we will get along just fine
Me: I think so, too. Thus far you've kept my interest.
Guy: I have a penis I'm sure it's not difficult
Me: That was brilliant.
Me: But is it enough to keep my attention beyond giggling?
Guy: It's not porn star quality but it gets the job done as long as your not as big as the grand
canon (I think he meant canyon, lol)
Me: It's like fuckin a bucket, just so you know...
Guy: So I can stick my head in and wiggle my ears
Me: Sweet, my own personal gspot tickler.
Me: Hot dog down a hallway? Wrench in a closet?...
Guy: Hear an echo
Me: Hell yes. It comes with it's own spiderwebs...
Guy: Now I know thats bullshit cause it gets WAY too much action to build cobwebs
Me: You're assuming the guys are large enough to hit the bottom.
Guy: I'm sure you have a midget to clean it out
Me: OMG, no. That's a great idea. It's hard to get my hand up that far.
Guy: Gues I'm gonna just have to stick to using your ass
Me: Let's just say I could shit a Lincoln and not feel a thing.
Guy: Damn your just all stretched to hell
Me: Yep. You picked the used car of whores...
Guy: Well I hope your bj's are amazing cause you're going to be doing them a lot then
Me: They're best when I take my teeth out...
Guy: Awesome never had a gum job
Me: Sweet. I love gumming a hairy nutsack.
Guy: Too bad I shave my balls
Me: Less hair to cough up later.