Trite, but true. I didn't think it was really going to be possible to feel this way. I didn't think that the romantic in me would ever truly have the opportunity to break free and make me feel whimsically happy again. But it happened. It happened quickly, without warning, and in the place I least expected to find it. If you've read any of my older posts you know that I had been trying out that whole online dating scene. It was fun while it lasted and it got my itch to date out of my system. I was beginning to long for an actual relationship. One where you can reasonably expect to speak to that person every day, knowing that you both want to talk to one another. One where you miss each other when you're not together. One that makes me feel like my whole world is both crazy and upside down, but perfectly in harmony. I wasn't looking for someone to complete me, because I learned that regardless of whether I was single or not that I had to be on good terms with myself before I could reasonably expect anyone else to become involved in my life. I was happy with me. Now I wanted someone to see me and be happy with me, as well as someone for whom I could be happy. I found him. And he is wonderful. He has beautiful deep brown eyes that hold me without touching me when he looks into mine. He has hands that are strong enough to hold me, and gentle enough to caress me. He has a voice that can calm me and excite every nerve ending in my body. And he loves me. And I believe in that love. It's been almost six months since we started dating. His kisses make my world spin, and the spot on his shoulder has been claimed as mine. For the first time in my dating experience, I've felt the green monster of jealousy. I never cared for anyone as vastly as I do for him (excepting, of course, my son - but that's a different type of love). I never felt so protective of someone I loved in a romantic way. And I feel grateful that I have him to love this much. He's incredibly appreciative of everything that I do, and always makes sure I know it. There's no implied reciprocation, only a wonderful flow of give and take. We both want to make the other happy, and we don't expect anything in return excepting their gratitude. Not everything is perfect, and that's okay. Life is never perfect, and if you can't overcome small obstacles you'll never make it though the big ones. But even when we are upset with each other, we are able to communicate and talk to each other. More importantly, we listen. When we're done talking things through, we hold each other. We can never go very long without that physical reassurance of our affection. I couldn't have thought to ask for someone as well suited for me as he is. I wouldn't have known where to begin. But someone, somewhere was looking out for me the day our paths merged into one. From our senses of humor to our wonderful talks, we are compatible. His family has accepted my son and me as one of their own, and my family has done the same. I hope to have his last name someday. To carry his child, and to share those miraculous first moments of that child's life with him. To see our grandchildren. To grow old and hold hands wherever we go. I hope to never let go. It feels good to have hope again.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
I have a bit of an exhibitionist streak in me... I like to show off for people. Yeah, you should see me at the strip club. Kind of ridiculous. You can tell my daddy didn't love me enough when I was a kid.
My friend Jason suggested that as a way to let loose my inner exhibitionist, I should model for his friend Emily as she was taking a boudoir photography class. So Emily and I began messaging on Facebook and we decided on a date and time after she had taken the class. I found a few super cute corsets and an adorable leopard and black lace bustier, along with some fantastic clearance jewelry... Thank you, Icing and Claire's!
We spoke on the phone about some different things regarding the shoot, and she was as sweet on the phone as she was messaging over Facebook and via text message. She advised me to make sure I didn't forget about the little details that can really stand out, such as sock lines and making sure my thigh highs weren't too tight.
The shoot was held on a Sunday. I drove over to her house, where the shoot was being held, and once I finally met her face to face I immediately felt at ease. Emily has a very calming manner about her. She invited me in, and we started talking about how we were going to work things for the shoot. She was very sweet and considerate, always showing concern for my comfort and making sure I wasn't worried about anything. We settled on my first outfit, and I went up to curl my hair and change.
When I came down she walked me through what she had planned, and then we began shooting. She was so incredibly sweet to me, always telling me how pretty she thought I was... I told her if she kept it up, my head wasn't going to fit through her door later on. :)
Her direction was very easy to follow, and we had some upbeat Pandora music playing to keep the mood light. She was very professional, always taking care to notice the small details that can really stand out once a photo is processed, and I can't say enough about how fun she was to work with! Of course it probably helped that I diffused the tension by falling off of her couch. Damn pencil skirts, they're like corsets for your thighs!
She has already sent some of the processed photos to me, and I was absolutely speechless at how beautiful of a job she did on them. I look so much more fabulous than I do in real life. Especially as I sit here in my Rudolph pajama pants and tank top. :)
I hope to work with her again in the future, and I'm so happy that I had the opportunity to do so last week. She made it such a wonderful, personalized experience and I honestly have run out of adjectives to describe how truly fantastic she is.
Here is some information to anyone who might be interested in learning more about Emily's work:
Her Flickr page
Her Facebook Fan page
Her email address
And, of course, here are the photos so that you can see how positively wonderful her photography really is:
Served up by Sassy Pie at 8:04 PM
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I am just in the mood to write. Not sure what to write about yet, but you'll probably read it anyhow and waste ten minutes of your life you'll never get back just hoping that I'm going to say something witty and hilarious.
Sorry about the ten minutes.
I got a pretty new pair of shoes... They were on clearance for $20 at DSW. Oh, how I heart DSW. And Chinese Laundry. God bless them for making shoes in size Clownfoot that are comfortable and freaking adorable. I wore them to the drag show this last Saturday night, and holy hell were they comfortable! The drag show was a blast, as usual, and it was country themed. Normally I don't do country, but they did a lot of older stuff, Garth Brooks, Reba McEntire and the like. It was so much fun. One of my good friends, who is a queen at this particular club, performed a fantastic duet of 'Does He Love You?' as Reba. Bravo, Q... You rocked it.
I did have a decent amount to drink, so I eventually ended up dancing barefoot. My feet were so disgusting and dirty the next morning. Which didn't really matter in comparison to the sore arm and thigh I had from slipping on the ice in front of the bar.
Just call me Grace, ya'll.
I did dance my ass off that night, and it was wonderful. Though combining a good buzz with those strobe and laser light shows made me a little dizzy. Another beer cured that. I began to wonder if I was on a freaking acid trip after a while. Booming bass, strobe lights... It was what I imagine it would feel like if Baz Luhrmann directed my life for a few hours.
Poor Erflet has a double ear infection... He hasn't had one since before he was two. I got a call from Erf this morning to bring him in to urgent care, and thank sweet baby Jesus they still make ammoxicillin in the bubblegum flavor. I'm actually a little jealous, I loved that shit when I was a kid.
Erf, I am now happy to say, has a girlfriend. She seems to make him very happy, and I'm so incredibly thankful for that. He deserves happiness.
I have started seeing a new guy who has totally blown me away. I've never been treated this way by a guy in my entire life. He really is the epitome of a gentleman, and I'm eating up every second of it. I know, try to hold back your gasps of shock. Plus the conversation is amazing, and there's certainly some chemistry there. We had a fantastic first date last night at Blackwater, he actually wore a dress shirt and tie. I wore a little black dress with red pumps. It felt great to be on the same page with him. There were all those cute little awkward moments you expect on a first date, but they were far more cute than awkward. We will be seeing each other again soon, as we both agreed that a second date is definitely something we'd both like to see happen. For now, I'm just looking forward to the next time I get to see him.
Ooh, and he wears glasses. And kittens, you know what glasses do for me. Dress shirt, tie, dress slacks, glasses and smells incredible? Oh yes, I was so weak-kneed.
Other than that, nothing really too new...