Sometimes, we forget.

We forget the little things.

We forget that every action we make is permanent.

We forget that no matter how much we apologize, nothing can ever take back something that hurt someone else.

We forget to tell people when they've hurt us.

We forget to enjoy the sweet baby breaths.

We forget that the laundry/dishes/TV/computer will wait for 10 minutes without irreparable harm while we sit beside our children's bedsides and stroke their hair.

We forget that making the decision to cater first to our families will most likely be the one with the best outcome for our future.

We forget to be faithful to ourselves, even if it's once in a while.

We forget sometimes to balance being faithful to ourselves with being a well-rounded, good person.

We forget to make ourselves happy, and we lose ourselves in the daily grind of trying to eke a living from this crazy, unstable society.

We forget to tell our significant others how much we love and appreciate them.

We forget that it's okay to make dinner from a cardboard box and to serve it on paper plates every once in a while.

We forget that it's important to sit down as a family and share a good meal.

We forget our family.

We forget that while it's great to speak up for yourself, sometimes what you say isn't worth the pain it might cause the person on the other end.

We forget to appreciate the opportunity to shut the fuck up.

We forget to apologize when we underestimate the opportunity to shut the fuck up.

We forget that when Da Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy.

We forget that sometimes it's okay to lose a fight or two to your children. They need to learn that at one time or another, everyone loses - even Mommy and Daddy.

We forget that it's okay to show our children that we're not perfect.

We forget that it's not always okay to do something just because someone else has done it.

We forget that it's okay to compromise, and that it doesn't always need to be our way or the highway.

We forget to speak up for something or someone when we know in our hearts that it's right.

We forget to speak up when we know in our hearts that something is wrong.

We forget that sometimes, it's our fault and no one else's.

We forget that karma has a way of coming out in the wash.

We forget to pay attention to that little warning bell in the pit of our stomach.

We forget to look at every side of a decision before making it.

We forget that it's not okay to feel this unhappy.

We forget that it's okay to want and expect more of the good things that we deserve.

We forget to give ourselves credit.

We forget that feeling this unhappy, sad, restless and frustrated should be motivation to get up and do something about it.

We forget that we are the ones in control of our own destiny.

We forget that nothing is going to just come to us, we have to go to it.

We forget that things that seem ideal and perfect in the beginning usually reveal themselves to be the complete opposite by the time all is said and done.

We forget that we should be accepted because of who we are, not in spite of it.

Sometimes, kittens, I forget. How about you?

Sugar-coated marshmallow fluffy bits of goodness. And I'm not just talking about last night...

Don't you absolutely hate it when you have a topic to blog about, and then forget what it was once you're at your computer?

That elated feeling of "Oh my gosh, I actually have a really good topic to talk about!" and then the letdown of, "what the fuck was I going to blog about again?"

I've even tried reminding myself via Twitter. I remembered the topic, just not what I was going to say.

As my friend Ooh Law Law would say, "Eff it, give me Doritos."

Speaking of shout outs, I have a long overdue one... But better late than never, yes?

My best friend Dana's mom started a new blog about her new wine club called Wine Timers, where she and some close wine-loving pals get together once a month to try new wines, socialize, and just have some fun! She was kind enough to feature a post about my Chocolate Red Wine Cupcakes, because, DUH. They're chocolate cupcakes with RED WINE IN THEM AND THEY WERE DELICIOUS. So go check out Wine Timers, and perhaps it'll inspire you to begin your own wine-tasting club!

Yesterday I went over to my friend Julie's house... And together with our friend Becca, we were supposed to teach Julie how to bake pies. However, Julie is a wee bit overzealous, and decided making ten pies was a good idea. Ha, yeah. Not so much... There wasn't so much 'teaching' as 'hurrying the fuck up so we weren't baking till 10 pm' going on. We made two french apple pies, two french silk pies, two strawberry cheesecakes, a lemon meringue pie (that turned to fucking soup because the filling didn't firm up), a strawberry rhubarb pie and a banana cream pie. Yeah, I know! I'm crazy tired today, and I still have to clean the kitchen and begin doing crap for tonight's Easter dinner.

Fuck that ham shit, we're making turkey burgers. I hate anything with veins of fat, so I avoid ham. Because, obviously. I'm also making homemade macaroni and cheese (which I have been CRAVING) and corn. And possibly brownies. Because brownies rule. And I may as well stick to the whole comfort food theme. I was going to try making beingets, which are a New Orleans dessert. But they just sounded too mothercocking complicated.

And after spending 8-9 hours baking my fucking ass off yesterday, I am so not in the mood for complicated. I'll be lucky if I get off my ass and take out the trash and wash the damned dishes. Ha. But I kinda have to because my parents are coming over.

Erflet had a good Easter morning, he got two baskets... Was on a sugar high when my BFF Dana came to visit. Good thing he's cute. :) He kind of wore himself out at the grocery store running about, I think. That and the fact that he spent all day yesterday on Julie's son's trampoline. :)

Erf is going back to school tomorrow after having two weeks off for spring break. He's kind of nervous as he's got more classes this semester along with a math course. We both suck at math. He had fun at Julie's yesterday, too... He actually came out of his shell, I was so proud!

I'm going back to running shows tomorrow... Out of the marketing room, back to the real money-making.

I'm so way too tired for dishes and more cleaning. But my kitchen is nasty. So much for a day of relaxation before I get back into the grind. *headdesk*

Why I punched myself yesterday...

Yesterday was a stabby sort of day... And the way today has started, it's probably going to be the same.

Yesterday I get to work and my boss bitches me out for some stupid thing I really have no control over... We verify that both husband and wife should be at the appointment. I tell them this. My manager tells them this. The associate arrives and the wife isn't home. This, of course, is my fault.

And then I think I called every douche bag in the area I was calling yesterday.

I got the "I'm going to tell you I'm not interested before you even get a chance to say anything" douche. The one who, after I say, "This is Ashley with XYZ Company, how are you doing today?" snaps at me... "I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING." *click*

Seriously, how difficult is it to listen to what a person has to say and tell them - POLITELY - that you appreciate their time, but you're just not interested. It's a much kinder way to tell people that. People who work in call centers usually don't get paid shit, and they have to deal with a crap ton of rude ass motherfuckers. Is it really that difficult to just be polite and tell them you're just not interested?

I also got the, "This just isn't worth my time" douche. I'm so terribly sorry, I didn't get the memo that you are GOD. Really? You don't even know where I'm from or what I'm calling about. I could be calling you to tell you that my mega-conglomerate company just took over the piddly shit insurance company you go through, and that your insurance is about to be cancelled. Not that this is what actually happens, but still. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO TELL YOU. How do you know it's not worth your time?

The "I have more important things to do" douche. Closely related to the "This just isn't worth my time" douche. I actually had someone tell me yesterday that they have more important things to do and they really didn't care to hear what I had to say. Unless you're on your way to catch a plane to de-worm orphans in Somalia, perform a life-saving surgery, or doing a colon cleansing... Well, I'm sure you can catch my drift.

The "I'm going to let you get to the very end of your spiel before I tell you I'm not interested" douche. You should know halfway through my spiel if you are or are not interested. Then, see above rule and say, "I appreciate your time, but I'm just not interested. Thank you."

The "I'm going to ask 5,000 questions about each and every gift you offer me and THEN tell you I'm not interested" douche. I seriously had one lady ask me about 10 different questions regarding what types of toilet paper our grocery coupon booklet offers. No joke. I get that you have a sensitive septic system, but really? You really need 50 cents to $1 off of your oh-so-precious toilet paper? BIG DEAL. PAY THE EXTRA 50 CENTS.

Also, I'm dealing with something right now that is making me even stabbier than usual... So I'm thinking it's in my best personal interest to just leave the public word-vomit portal before I spew something really bad... Because it could unleash a shit storm that I just do NOT have the energy to deal with.

Anyone out there willing to lend me their blog to spew forth an anonymous post of vitriol?

Stupid free Interwebz...

I have a confession... (Ha, I typed foncession instead of confession at first. Perhaps today's a lysdexic day...)

I leech free interwebz. There happens to be an open network connection that's usually around 54-68% signal strength, and I'm too poor to pay the $50-60 per month that decent internet costs one in this hellhole of a stupid ass town.

The bad part of all this is that I have no idea when I will and will not have Interwebz. I think the streak so far is a week with the 'Webz not working. It keeps giving me this "Cannot associate with Access Point" error. And I know to fix it you're supposed to press some button on the modem. But what the fuck can I do when I have no idea who I'm even leeching from?!

Coincidentally, the interwebz always seem to be connected at THE MOST INCONVENIENT TIMES. Like an hour before I should be going to bed, or when I have errands to run instead of the time to lounge around and surf the 'Webz.

But mothercocking ass monkeys, I paid $140 for a wireless network card and a RAM upgrade. Interwebz need to be cheaper.

Ace Of Base's 'Don't Turn Around' just came on Media Player.

I tried scallops for the first time last night at my parents' house... We had steak and scallops, salad, veggies, potatoes, and then amaretto cake for dessert! It was a shit-ton of food, and it was all delicious. Is there anything happier than steak with drawn butter?

Maybe eating stale Peeps for breakfast. Pink bunny Peeps. Ooooh yeeeeeeah.

Oh yeah, give me some of that Funky Cold Medina.

So, I happen to live in a city that used to be able to tout the fact that it had the highest bars per capita in the United States.

Yeah.

Is it really any wonder how we got our nickname, Souptown? No, not really. It's a tradition here in Superior when one turns 21 to do the bar crawl down the main drag - Tower Avenue. You want bars? We've got bars. Of all shapes, sizes and types. And we've got bars in every part of town. We've got Lost In The 50's, a bar for those who want to get lost in time. The Anchor Bar for those who want a biker bar that, frankly, makes some of the best greasy burgers in town (you know, for when you've got a hangover from drinking there the night before). The Lamplighter for those who want skanky strippers, Frankie's for those who like to sing karaoke with the coke-sniffing owner, The Main for the light-in-the-loafers crowd... Plus about 10-12 others I haven't named.

No joke. I searched for "Bar" in Superior WI, and Google Maps came back with 198 results. For a town that has around 27,000 people. Yeah, we wean toddlers on whiskey here.

Anywho, one of the most well-known bars in Superior was the Cove Cabaret. Every bar that's been in that building has closed after a short stint. Kind of like Jordan Sparks' career.

And the Cove was described a 'sleazy club' with a light-up dance floor (think Saturday Night Fever), disco ball, and Wet T-Shirt Wednesdays. There are local archived photos of couples cutting a rug on the light-up dance floor under the bright, sparkling light of the disco ball in the 1970's. Also, my mom used to participate in Wet T-Shirt Wednesdays. Is it good or bad that I'm proud of that?

Wednesday night was Ladies Night, and ladies could drink free from 11-midnight. Thursday featured $1 Imports and Wine Coolers. Classy.

Another thing (besides Wet T-Shirt Wednesday)(because DUH. Obviously) the Cove was locally famous for was Jim's All Star 101 Shooter Menu. I'm sure many a vomit-soaked floor had this shooter menu to thank.

My dad worked at the Cove, and has an original copy of the list. Let me tell you; after retyping these shots so that they're legible, if you couldn't find something you liked on this list - you were just fucked. You know, unless you're a recovering alcoholic. In that case, I'm sure you would've taken the crappiest shot on the list and loved it like Pam loved Tommy's wang.

You could order any All Star Shooter for $2.50, or a Six-Shooter for $10.

So today, kittens, I'd like to share a few of the most delicious-sounding - and some of the oddest sounding - shots on the list.

Give me a Funky Cold Medina...

Kahlua, Root Beer Schnapps and Bailey's round out this delicious sounding, albeit oddly named shot.

I'd love to have a Menage a Trois...

Kahlua, Frangelico and Grand Marnier. What's not to love about this threesome?

What shot do zombies like best? The Brain!

Strawberry Schnapps, Bailey's and Grenadine. Mmm, Bwainz!

Oh, Christmas Tree, oh Christmas Tree...

Grenadine, Green Creme de Menthe and Creme de Cacao. Mint, chocolate and cherry? Sounds like a festive shot to me!

Chocolate Monk? Sounds kinky!

Kahlua, Bailey's and Frangelico.

Some of the more oddly named shots include:

Camel's Hump

Kahlua, Apricot Brandy and Grand Marnier

Alabama Aggle Slammer

Sloe Gin, Southern Comfort, Amaretto and Orange Juice

Ardvark (Dudes, that's how it's spelled on the menu - I know it's misspelled)

Kahlua, Curacao and Cream

Umbilical Cord

Anisette, Tequila, Bailey's and Drop of Cream

Mishkalishka

Cognac, Coffee and Whip Cream

Red Rooster

Chocolate Mint Schnapps, Bailey's and Grand Marnier

Test Tube Baby

Amaretto, Tequila and Drop of Cream

Ollman

Kahlua, Grand Marnier and Courvoisier.

Of course, for the traditionalists you'll find shots like; B-52, Stiletto, Mudslide, Asshole, Orgasm, Cocaine, Slippery Nipple, Blowjob and Kamikaze.

What does it say about our society that we like to take shots of things that are called Asshole and Test Tube Baby?

THAT WE'RE AWESOME.

Oh, and that if I ever go out and do shots, I'm doing the Pink Pussy shot. Because, duh. Obvi.

Whoever thought of putting wine in cupcakes was a genius.

Yes, I'm talking to you Rachel Ray. Or whoever you paid to make that recipe up.

I was doing some research for a wedding dessert buffet, and I came across this recipe for Chocolate Red Wine Cupcakes with Marscapone Icing. I mean honestly, what part about that doesn't sound delicious?! Chocolate? Red wine? Marscapone?! Yes, please. It'd be like saying no to sex. In a cupcake liner.

So I stocked up on my ingredients. Unfortunately, I forgot that the grocery store I was at doesn't carry marscapone - so I subbed cream cheese instead. Because I know from experience that unless it's in a cheesecake, marscapone and cream cheese are pretty much interchangeable.

Also? I am now in serious love with cream cheese icing. I didn't even have to sift the powdered sugar and it came out as smooth as Pamela Anderson's 7th boob job.

Alright, on to the Food Porn!

So, 4 oz of chopped chocolate, 1/2 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder and 1/2 cup boiling water mix to create this delicious, glossy, dark chocolate-filled bowl of delight.

I poured the red wine first to let it breathe. I used Yellowtail Shiraz Cabernet, because it was the only red I had in the house. I wasn't about to buy a bottle of red to get 1/2 a cup (I'm not a red wine person, I prefer white), but next time I think I'll buy those little itty-bitty bottles that come in a 4-pack.

Chocolate red wine batter, all ready to be divided and baked! Seriously, the batter of this recipe tasted like eating hot chocolate mix with a spoon. Mmm!

Cupcakes, post-bake!

There was a lot more frosting than I had expected, but the more the merrier!

Those grapes kind of looked silly, so I decided to top my little pretty cupcakes with grated chocolate. Next time I think it would be super cute to make little chocolate wine glasses to put on top...

I'm reading through my archives and I've realized something... Besides the fact that Erf just farted.

I've lost a bit of my snark, wouldn't you agree? I need to get on top of my game with this. Off to work in a half an hour. Bah.

I smell like cleaning product...

Last night as I lay in bed with visions of Gerard Butler racing through my mind like cracked out ghetto babies, I decided I need to write him a love letter. Because I could really see myself spawning his crib midgets. I'm pretty sure Erf would forgive me.

My dearest Gerry (because I've heard you prefer to be called that - I've stalked you on IMDb and Wikipedia),

Let me start off by saying that until The Phantom Of The Opera, I had never really heard of you. Then one day I decided, on a whim, to rent the film. And in the scene where the Phantom brings Christine down the hidden passageway - I was spellbound. Those eyes, the set of mouth. And then, oh dear sweet drenched panties, there was that VOICE. The voice that made my heart beat faster, my breath hitch, and my sex clench (Ha, I've always wanted to use that phrase).

And that was it. I was hooked on you. Like young, naive kid after his first shot of heroin.

Then you did P.S. I Love You. For the love of all that's holy, that movie should come with super-absorbent undergarments for the ladies. Because really? I needed a new couch after that one.

This may sound a bit unusual, but I think I much prefer you in Law Abiding Citizen. I have a thing for dark, intelligent psychopaths. And the scenes where you were explaining step-by-step what exactly you were planning for Darby? Sent shivers down into my girly bits.

You're a brilliant actor, but from the descriptions you sound as if you're just as wonderful in person. And I could totally see us living a beautiful life together, singing Phantom Of The Opera songs (even though you've got a MUCH better voice than I do, you'll love my singing because you'll be so devoted to me that I won't be able to do any wrong)(Because, duh, I'm so awesome that who DOESN'T love me once they meet me?). By the way, my son absolutely loves Phantom Of The Opera, and can you imagine how thrilled he'd be to have the Phantom as his daddy?

GERRY, WON'T YOU THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!!!1??

Furthermore, I can bake the shit out of stuff. So come over for dinner, and I'll make bridie and burnt cream.

And we can further discuss when exactly I'll be moving in with you as your sex toy and the other half of your love's duet. I breathlessly anticipate you teaching me how to properly pronounce your first name in that sexy Scottish accent. I'll even wear paisley socks. Haha, get it? Because you grew up in Paisley, Scotland?

Because Gerry, you're gonna love me. Don't worry about my husband, it'll be okay. He's totally aware of how insanely attracted I am to you.

Love,

The future Mrs. Butler

Grab your drool napkins, kittens...

As promised, more food porn! I had some catching up to do, that's for sure!

So let's start off with some delicious, red... goo? No, that's homemade strawberry puree glaze! Sugar, cornstarch, and strawberry puree!

This stuff is the shit - it tastes like a liquid strawberry fruit rollup. And who the fuck doesn't like fruit rollups? I think you're a Nazi if you hate fruit rollups.

Ok, maybe I don't *really* think you're a Nazi. But shame on you if you hate on the rollups.

Bee-youtiful strawberries, sans caps, drying on paper towels. Aren't they pretty? So plump and juicy and... Yum. I'm hungry now.

Finally, the finished product! Strawberry pie... Almond crust with strawberries and glaze.

My co-worker, who ordered the pie, said his wife had a piece or two, and he ate the rest of the pie all in one sitting. And he said it was the best pie he's ever tasted.

My boss ordered two pumpkin pies, and here was the delivery... Raw pumpkin pie filling is amazingly delicious, by the way. My boss also said that these were some of the best pies he's ever eaten... They must know that the way to my heart is through my ego. ;)

For Thanksgiving this year, I made French Apple pie, 8th Deadly Sin pie, and Lemon Meringue. The Lemon Meringue looks beautiful fresh out of the oven, doesn't it? I SO need to make another one...

This was a rather interesting frosting to make. They wanted a chocolate cake, but with orange frosting. So I used fresh-squeezed OJ instead of milk in my buttercream recipe, and added freshly grated orange peel. The result at first was a bit mild, so I added more peel. And then more again. And then I noticed (after I left it the hell alone) that the flavor was getting stronger. Hrm. They said that the balance of orange and chocolate was just perfect, though.

Yep, another cheesecake! This time, it was Chocolate Irish Cream cheesecake!

Chocolate, Bailey's, cream cheese? It looked delish, I wish I could have tried it. From what I heard it was really good. :)

I've also found a delicious looking recipe for Chocolate Red Wine cupcakes... It calls for marscapone frosting, and it sounds absolutely delicious. I also just found a chocolate orange cupcake recipe with Limoncello frosting. I need to learn how to make Romano's Macaroni Grill's Ultimate Leaning Bellini... Gotta do something with the leftover Limoncello! ;)

Sex on your screen...

No, I'm not talking about skanky-Barbie-humping-ugly-guy porn. You dirty hussies.

(Shh, I look at porn too. It's okay - healthy, even!)

I'm referring to Food Porn. Yes, it deserves capitalization. You haven't had Food Porn in, well, just way too damn long, kittens!

Because I'm a dumbass and forgot to take any other photos of it, here's a pic of my very first attempt at cheesecake. Orange Delight Cheesecake. It's a delicious lightly flavored orange filling, chocolate crust, and topped with a chocolate drizzle.

It was as delicious as it looks. ;) The photo above was of my mom's second piece.

My determination for making this cheesecake is unmatched; I saw Tiramisu Cheesecake, and I just had to make it. So here we see my chocolate crust (made of crushed chocolate Teddy Grahams, because you can't fucking find chocolate graham crackers anymore).

Now, the recipe touts that marscapone cheese is supposed to make this cheesecake extra-rich. Well, it called for 8 oz marscapone, and 16 oz regular cream cheese. I like things very, very rich. So 24 oz of marscapone it was. The recipe also called for ladyfingers, but I forgot to make them and couldn't find them at the grocery store. So I used vanilla pound cake instead. It worked out, meh, so/so.

I will be the first to tell you this - MARSCAPONE TAKES FOREVER TO BAKE. Don't be stupid and use all marscapone. It doesn't work that well. But, being the diligent baker I am, I just lowered the temp to 200 degrees and let it bake. It did come out with a lovely golden brown crust on top of the filling, though. Silver linings and unicorn farts, people.

Et voila! Tiramisu cheesecake. Filling comprised of marscapone, sugar, egg, vanilla, and coffee-laced rum. Then you top it with sour cream while it's hot (it adds to the flavor, I swear). It called for a dusting of unsweetened cocoa powder, but I said fuck that and grated semi-sweet chocolate over it all. Much prettier. :)

Springform pans are WIN. I cannot imagine making cheesecake sans springform. The crust was a bit overdone, but next time I'll be smart enough to down it back to the called-for amount of marscapone and I'll make homemade ladyfingers.

It was still orgasmically delicious. ;)

Dream about that tonight, kittens. I'm off to help Erf figure out his FaceSpace... lmao.

Shit, am I ever awesome.

I had a one-week follow up doctor appointment today. Besides staring at the doctor's huge, Chiclet-like teeth, I modeled for some photos.

Alright, alright. They were x-rays.

Are you happy? You've dashed my dreams of modeling. HA. Yeah, right. I've never wanted to be a model. As a kid, I dreamt of being a singer. Then I realized that people rarely make it as a singer without a lot of hard work. And me, not so much about the hard work.

Tangent.

So Dr. Chiclet came back in and pulled up my x-rays on the computer. I should have known something was up when he pointed the screen in my direction. He didn't do that last week.

"We've made a new discovery." He announced.

Like he's Christopher Columbus and I'm the New fucking World. Yeah, ok.

"See this right here? It's a posterior tibia fracture. (I could have the verbiage wrong) That means that you did actually break your ankle."

Is it sad that my first thought was, "Cool! A broken ankle sounds way more badass than a sprained ankle!"?

Cause seriously, when you tell people you sprained your ankle, they think it's like a two-day heal or something. But when you say you broke something... There's respect. Like when I told my boss yesterday I wanted to play my first day back at work by ear, see how my leg felt after the first show... He rolled his eyes and said, "Really? Seriously." Like it doesn't still hurt. People don't get how much a sprain hurts. I didn't, until now.

But when I called to inform him that I broke it, there was respect in his voice. Like, "Oh, wow. This really is serious" respect. Luckily he's a great boss, and he's letting me move to the marketing room so I can be on the phone scheduling appointments and elevating my leg.

Also, I just realized that this is my First. Broken. Bone. EVER.

I need to celebrate tonight! Hahaha, I'm sofa king wee tot tid.

Does this x-ray make my ankle look fat?

FYI, the break is right below the little hand. Paint Shop Pro won't let me add a circle or an arrow or anything really, and MS Paint keeps freezing. So this'll have to do.

And no, my lovelies, I haven't forgotten my promise of food porn. But interwebz crashed the other day and we just got them back, so I need to upload the photos of the Tiramisu Cheesecake. :)