No this isn't some stupid PSA with starving Ethiopian children running around with their ribs sticking out, or with oriental kids with cleft palates.
Don't worry, lovers, I wouldn't depress you like that. Cause starving children and kids with sad, broken faces? They make me cry. I feel bad for them, I do, but when I'm worrying about how to afford to feed my own child? Not as concerned with the kids in 3rd world countries.
Whoa, what the hell? I'm here to tell you about popcorn.
More specifically, popcorn burn. From the kernel.
I had a stroke of brilliance yesterday. I decided to say fuck the food pyramid, I want homemade stove top popcorn for dinner. Not that I don't give the food pyramid a big F U every day anyway, but whatever.
I put my awesome pot on the burner, put in some veggie oil, popcorn kernels, and put the top on. Turn the heat on. Shake it up so the kernels don't burn. I got mad popcorn skillz, yo.
Popcorn begins popping. Erflet is fascinated. It gets to the top, so I take it off the stove, pour some in the bowl, and set the pot back on the burner. I'm not an idiot. I know popcorn keeps popping after you take it off the stove. A few kernels popped out of the bowl, no big. Erflet threw them out like a good helper.
The popping begins to slow, so I take the pot off the burner. I take off the top, and pour the remainder in the bowl. A few kernels pop, no big.
Then an un-popped, burning kernel jumped from the bowl, and down my bra. Right down my fucking cleavage.
My breasts are irresistible, even to food.
Here, my friends, are photos I took of my cleavage (Yes, my bewbs, they're on the internets!) about 45 minutes after said burn:
You can see the trail it left down my bosom. Where it hopped on my left bewb and that big spot where it rested at the bottom of my underwire.
Close-up of the resting place. I still have a burn spot this morning.
Who wants to rub burn cream on my cleavage?!
You know you wanna. ;)
Oh, um, the PSA part!
Leave the top on until the popping of the kernels stops. Otherwise you too may get burned.
See, you thought I was just gonna stop at the bewbs! Ha!