Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Because I love you, because I care, here's a PSA about popcorn.

No this isn't some stupid PSA with starving Ethiopian children running around with their ribs sticking out, or with oriental kids with cleft palates.

Don't worry, lovers, I wouldn't depress you like that. Cause starving children and kids with sad, broken faces? They make me cry. I feel bad for them, I do, but when I'm worrying about how to afford to feed my own child? Not as concerned with the kids in 3rd world countries.

Whoa, what the hell? I'm here to tell you about popcorn.

More specifically, popcorn burn. From the kernel.

I had a stroke of brilliance yesterday. I decided to say fuck the food pyramid, I want homemade stove top popcorn for dinner. Not that I don't give the food pyramid a big F U every day anyway, but whatever.

I put my awesome pot on the burner, put in some veggie oil, popcorn kernels, and put the top on. Turn the heat on. Shake it up so the kernels don't burn. I got mad popcorn skillz, yo.

Popcorn begins popping. Erflet is fascinated. It gets to the top, so I take it off the stove, pour some in the bowl, and set the pot back on the burner. I'm not an idiot. I know popcorn keeps popping after you take it off the stove. A few kernels popped out of the bowl, no big. Erflet threw them out like a good helper.

The popping begins to slow, so I take the pot off the burner. I take off the top, and pour the remainder in the bowl. A few kernels pop, no big.

Then an un-popped, burning kernel jumped from the bowl, and down my bra. Right down my fucking cleavage.

My breasts are irresistible, even to food.

Here, my friends, are photos I took of my cleavage (Yes, my bewbs, they're on the internets!) about 45 minutes after said burn:

You can see the trail it left down my bosom. Where it hopped on my left bewb and that big spot where it rested at the bottom of my underwire.

Close-up of the resting place. I still have a burn spot this morning.

Who wants to rub burn cream on my cleavage?!

You know you wanna. ;)

Oh, um, the PSA part!

Leave the top on until the popping of the kernels stops. Otherwise you too may get burned.

See, you thought I was just gonna stop at the bewbs! Ha!

11 dished:

T. O. E. said...

Well, at least you give a reason for posting cleavage on the interwebs. Step up from 95% that I've seen (and no, "Daddy was mean to me" doesn't count as a good reason).

Sassy Pie said...

I agree. However, I love my boobs and really don't need a reason. :)

I just happened to have one this time. ;)

Beautiful Mess said...

Aww your poor delicate breast. I'll rub some cream on it for you.

So it's required to have a valid reason for posting bewbie pics online? I was unaware of that...does that mean I need to take down my "bewbs for all" website?

Sassy Pie said...


And yes, please rub my bewbs. Ahh, yes. That's the ticket...

*leg humps you*

Mrs Soup said...

Oh Noes!!! Your poor boobies....sadness. I hope they get better soon!

And that's why microwave popcorn is the way to go. :D

Amy said...

I agree with mrs soup! Popcorn, although irristibly dee-lish, is not worth losing a boob over.

Get the microwave popcorn pronto!

Sassy Pie said...

Aw, thanks Mrs. Soup. They are pretty much all good today, except a small burn mark where the kernel finally halted to a stop. :)

And microwave popcorn is NO substitute for fresh popcorn with real butter!

I don't know if I can talk to you if you don't like fresh-popped popcorn. Microwave popcorn tastes like the bottom of a shoe that stepped in old people ass.

Sassy Pie said...

Gah! Amy!!

I would gladly sacrifice a boob burn to have fresh popcorn!

What is the world coming to?

*wrings her hands*

Won't someone think of the taste buds?!

susan said...

This one time I was flippin' a roast off and the f'in spoon got stuck under the f'in hunk of meat and a bunch a hot juicy gravy spilled on my boobies, shoulder and left blisters.
Girl I feel your pain.

Nel said...

Oh. WOW! I might just avoid popping the corn all together thanks to this PSA. Hope those bewbies are healing.

Sassy Pie said...

@susan: I'm so sorry! Your burn was WAYYY worse than mine! I hope your boobies feel better now.

@Nel: The titty twins are faring fine, now, thanks. :) I still maintain that I'd rather have boob burn than eat microwave popcorn... :)