Monday, October 5, 2009

Dun, duh da dah! Food porn!

I know, I know... I haven't posted food porn in quite some time, but this is the first real order I've had. There will be more food porn coming soon, I have a big order coming up for October 17th... Two pies, two dozen cookies and another Double Chocolate torte - but orange this time!

Before I commence with the drool-worthyness that is my food porn, I have a few rants to go on about. Don't worry, it's nothing too full of The Sewious.

Numero Uno. Why is it that old women who bathe in that baby powder/bug spray/musk perfume always move in gaggles and always climb on elevators in threes? Seriously, I get it. You're thinking that the Avon perfume is all full of The Awesome. Really, we're in 2009, not 1909. Get a new perfume.

Numero Dos. We have two main elevators and a service elevator in our 8-floor building. The two main elevator banks have been out 'For Repairs' for almost three weeks now. Can I even relay to you how annoying it is to pinch your cheeks walking down the stairs because the elevator takes FOREVER? Building Owner: FIX THE FUCKING ELEVATORS. SOON. Kthxbai.

Numero Tres. The phone. It needs to stop motherfucking ringing. Seriously, people. I've put 7 messages in the box for the Mulletted One in the last 10 minutes. SHUT UP.

Numero Quattro. I really don't like being asked random stupid law questions. I'm a fucking receptionist, not the attorney. I don't know if that pot plant you own in Brazil is really illegal or not, nor do I care. Call during business hours, I'll be happy to take a message. Or maybe I'll be happy to take some Percocet. Yeah, pretty sure it's the latter.

Okay, on to the food porn!

I had an order for Raspberry Chiffon pie. Three of them, to be exact. They are, well... Very pretty to say the least. :)


You begin with 12 oz of frozen raspberries for each pie. Yep, 36 oz of frozen raspberries. You warm them until they being sweating their juices (ooh, dirty!), add pectin and sugar, and sieve it.

Yeah, that was a HUGE pain in my ass. I can't get all the seeds out of my sieve. Will have to soak.

You take a baked pie shell (yes, I make mine from scratch)...

and once the jelly is cooled to room temp you fold in fresh raspberries. Then you fill the bottom of the shell with the mixture. Mmm, glisteningly pretty homemade jelly...

Pretty, pretty pink chiffon layer... Raspberry jelly, raspberry gelatin, cream cheese, and heavy whipping cream. It looks like one of the pies in the end segment of Waitress, doesn't it?

BTW, if you haven't seen Waitress, go rent it. I fucking love that movie. It has Nathan Fillion in it!

Then, to top it off (literally) homemade vanilla whipped cream frosting. Because sweetened whipped cream doesn't hold it's form when piped, you make frosting with it instead. Intriguing, no? And for good measure, a garnish of a fresh raspberry. Gotta break up the monotony of the white. :)

Voila. May I hand you a tissue or perhaps a mop for the drool?

6 dished:

Amy said...

I am amazed at your baking prowess! I can cook...a little...but baking I gave up on a long time ago.

Waitress is the best little known movie ever!! I LOVE IT!!

Oh, and my mother in law...FREAKING BATHES IN THE OLD LADY SCENT!!! KILLS ME TO BE NEAR HER. Do they not smell the same thing we smell? Seriously!

Sassy Pie said...

Haha, thanks.

I fucking love the movie Waitress. I frequently sing the "Baby Don't You Cry" song when I bake.

I don't think their olfactory senses even work anymore. It's like, seriously. Can't you just stop at two spritzes? Did your nose decide to shut down as a protest? Blech.

Mrs Soup said...

The Waitress is a PHENOMENAL movie. And that pie is fricken amazing too.

Why did I look at this right before lunch...dammit, I want pie.

Sassy Pie said...

Aww, I'm sorry dollface. Didn't you do the same thing with my bbq ribs, too? LOL.

Waitress is def. one of my top 5 faves. :) Beautiful movie. Andy Griffith is fabulous in that movie, and so is Keri Russell.

Beautiful Mess said...

Mmmmmmm yummy delicious pie! Nice work, love! I make my own pie crusts but they NEVER look so perfect like yours. Teach me, master ;o)
*HUGS*

Sassy Pie said...

Aww, thanks doll! Mine aren't totally perfect, but it took a while for me to really get it down! You should've seen me the first time I made homemade crust! Erf got a lot of entertainment at my expense that night.

I use Crisco sticks, because they make measuring easy. Make sure to stir the flour before measuring, so it's light and you don't end up with tough crust. Use ice-cold water and if it won't roll right, refrigerate it for an hour. The cold helps. :)