Friday, October 2, 2009

In which I sit in my office, singing to Phantom Of The Opera.

I'm not a horrible singer, mind you, but I'm not Emmy Rossum... Fo' Sho'.


I do better with the likes of Kelly Clarkson, Christina Aguliera and RENT songs.

I live up north in Wisconsin. In a town next to the lake. (Lake Superior, for you morons who don't know what lake borders northern Wisconsin) I can literally look out my office window and see the lake. It's super choppy because it's windy, and motherfucking cold. And it looks brown, which probably means something fancy... Like that there's a giant spoon and God is stirring up the lake like settled hot cocoa. Or there's a strong current. Either way, I don't wanna swim in murky lake-water. Yuck.

So anyway, it was also cold yesterday and last night... So I brought my fan/heater home to warm our hearts and our bodies, because our heat is included in our rent. And that means that there's a pretty locked plastic box surrounding the thermostat. So I set up heaters in our room and Erflet's, (don't worry, they have automatic tip turn-off and they're energy efficient, and I only set Erflet's so high on low power to keep it from overheating him) and when it was time for Erf and I to go to bed, he climbs under the covers and tells me that it's still cold.

It was probably 40 yesterday, windy, and raining sporadically (try and use it in a sentence today - 5 points if you guess the flick!) and I wore a skirt, 3/4 sleeve shirt and no jacket. I don't mind cold. I embrace it. And the more blankies I can snuggle under (it's not unusual to find me under two comforters in the winter), the better I sleep. Erf sleeps better when it's warmer outside. You see where this is going? This was (not verbatim) our conversation after his 'cold' comment:

Me: "You're like a friggin polar bear."

Him: "Are you calling me fat?" (No lie)

M: "No, but you're always cold. And polar bears live in the cold, so they're always cold. So you're like a polar bear."

H: "No, polar bears have fur and fat, and I'm not fat, and they're always warm."

M: "Alright, fine. You're like... a... uh... Giant squid. They live at the bottom of the ocean and they're cold blooded (no idea, really, but he didn't know either), so you're a giant squid. Always cold. I hope you don't get eaten by a whale."

H: "Ooookay."

Later on as we were settling down to sleep, he was on his back. I had been using his arm for a pillow but he made me stop because his arm was falling asleep or some other pussy shit. I turned onto my side and was about to cuddle up to his side with my back to him, then he turns on his side away from me (not a scorn, it's just the side he prefers to sleep on). So I just snuggle against him, back to back, butt to butt.

He stretched, and I thought he was gonna fart on me.

I asked him if he was gonna fart on me.

He said no, he didn't have to fart. But that it would be really funny to fart into my buttcrack, and he wondered what sound it would make.

I then asked, "What do you think would happen if you took two people, had them spread their asscheeks, and put them butthole-to-butthole... And fart at the same time. What do you think would happen?"

He said, "I don't think their buttholes would touch that way."

I replied, "Well, what if one was on their side and the other was the regular way, and you fit them together like puzzle pieces?"

He said, "I think it would sound funny."

And then we went to sleep.

Now I'm singing along with Time Warp...

It's the pelvic thru-u-ust, it really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane...

I went up to Michael's last night to purchase some pie boxes for an order I have for Monday and a large tip coupler... Because it'll make my life easier. I also had to go to Cub (grocery store) to buy some things for dinner, so I thought, "I'll grab my ingredients while I'm here!"

I'm making three pies, and this was my shopping list:

36 oz. frozen raspberries (about $4.50 for one 12 oz package)

9 Tablespoons dried pectin ($2.50)

3 cups fresh raspberries (on sale 2 for $5 for those small plastic packages. I bought 4 just in case)

9 Tablespoons raspberry gelatin mix (about $1)

9 oz. cream cheese (blocks are only 8 oz, luckily they had small 3 oz packages) ($1 per package)

6 3/4 cups heavy whipping cream ($4.60 per quart; I bought 2)

Sugar and shortening (About $5)

Yeah, I totally spent around $45 on ingredients. FOR THREE PIES. I'm charging $45. The raspberries alone cost almost $30. I'm not making any profit; basically making the pies for free.

Fuck. My. Life.

*sigh* I didn't think frozen raspberries were so goddamn expensive!

Ahh, Kelly. My Life Would Suck Without You. Just the song I needed. :)

5 dished:

Amy said...

CLUELESS!...CIRCA 1995...GIVE ME MY 5 POINTS WOMAN!!!

Sassy Pie said...

5 points to Amy, score!

I fucking love that movie. "Your man Christian is a cakeboy! He's a disco-dancin, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holdin friend of Dorothy, You know what I'm sayin?"

Amy said...

One of the BEST teen flicks EVER!! I have literally seen it hundreds of times...it never gets old:)

Mrs Soup said...

Clueless kicks so much ass!!

Ahhh, you and Erf sound like Mr. Soup and I....we totally do the same things at night. Although he is a fricken furnace. Just like his daughter. They sweat so much at night.

Sassy Pie said...

I'm usually a portable space heater, except for my feet.

When he farts, I stick my cold feet on the backs of his knees. :) Or if he's snoring.

Haha, I had to RECORD a VIDEO of him snoring so he'd believe me that he does!