Thursday, August 20, 2009

I'm James Earl Jones, bitch!

Last night I had another cake order. Things cannot go as smoothly as I'd like them to, because that's never the way it works. My plan was to get things hopping around 6:30 so that I could have that bad boy in the oven by 7:00 and be decorating by 9:00. Of course, that's never, ever what happens. On the silver lining side, I'm getting better and better at cornering and leveling buttercream.

Husband is getting more and more into reading. I know it seems odd since he's now 26, but he's very particular about reading material and has bad eyesight - so it's difficult for him to concentrate on tiny words sometimes. He went to the library last night and took Son with, which, awesome and definitely conducive to my baking agenda.

Until he calls me asking me to bring something with proof of residence. Goddamn it. So I grab our utility bill, thinking that it should have our current address on it. 'Course not. Did I mention that it was POURING here last night? We haven't had rain like that in quite some time. I think we got 3-4 inches yesterday, and it didn't start until around noon-ish. So I get back in the car (thank god we're only three blocks away) and grab something after checking to make sure the address is correct. Then he asks me to keep an eye on Son while he fills out the paperwork. Then Son starts acting up so I have to take him home. Grr. It was like 7:15 when I finally got to start.

I plied myself with some D'Oro wine and got cracking... 3 cups of shortening, 2 lbs of powdered sugar, 8 egg whites, 2 2/3 cups of margarita mix, 4 tablespoons of lime juice, 4 cups of flour, 3 1/2 cups of granulated sugar later...

Square pan filled with Margarita batter deliciousness.

I just thought that the limes looked pretty, so I took a picture for you all. :) Afterward, I licked salt off of Evan's neck, shot tequila, and sucked on this.

Just kidding.

My new best friend - a juicing reamer. That sounds SO dirty, but I used to juice lemons by hand. It was ridiculously hard. So I invested in this $5 gem and haven't looked back.

Pretty green lime buttercream! It was delish. I still have some left, and I plan on eating that whenever I crave something sweet. It's good for 3 weeks if it's in an airtight container. I can finish it by then. Mwuahahaha.

And for the finale, the decorated cake. I finished this around 1:00 am. That's supposed to look like a lime slice, fyi. And green sparkle gel? Not the best writing tool ever.

Lesson learned.

I also made a run to Taco John's around 10:30 for food, because we were hungry and nothing in the house sounded good. So when I got back, Evan was watching Conan the Barbarian.

Yeah, I know. *sigh*

I came home to the part where Thulsa Doom chops off Conan's mom's head. And my immediate response was to blurt out, "I'm James Earl Jones, bitch! Whatchyu gonna do?!" Because James Earl Jones? He's pretty badass (except I wanted to shave those short blunt bangs off his head). I posted this on Facebook, which led to a late-night debate about who really is THE badass motherfucker; JEJ or Samuel L. Jackson?

I decided that JEJ is the badass motherfucking ruler; he played Mufasa, Darth Vader's voice (because it wouldn't have been Darth without it), and that crazy sex-obsessed king from Coming To America. SLJ is the badass motherfucking gangster. Pulp Fiction; I mean come on. He could've whacked John Travolta, and Johnny... He's was pretty badass for a white guy.

Come to think of it, how did Ving Rhames not make it into this as Marsellus Wallace? Does he look like a bitch? No, when someone pisses him off, he gets a couple of hard pipe-hitting gangstas (of course I'm not using the exact words for obvious reasons) to go to work on those who upset him with pliers and a blowtorch. That's how he rolls.

How about you readers? Who do you think deserves the title of Badass Motherfucker?

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