Thursday, August 13, 2009

Who is Ashley, and what's under that flaky, tender crust?

So… first blog post.

What to start off with? Well, blog posts rarely start with a bang (this isn’t a pregnancy, people), and so I figure I’ll just be boring and tell you all a bit about myself. Not like very many people are going to follow me at this point anyhow, and I’ll just aspire to having a blog where people will want to search my archives and read this boring post.

My name is Ashley. I am not an alcoholic, though some people might take the way I joke about needing a drink to mean that I am. I really don’t enjoy the taste of most alcoholic beverages, and I tend to lean toward the sweet side. My husband has an allergy to alcohol, though it’s not devastating. He can have a few beers/drinks as long as he sips and doesn’t shoot or guzzle. Otherwise he gets all red and blotchy, and, well. Most intelligent people know what happens during an allergic reaction.

I babble, I ramble, and sometimes what I say isn’t going to be very interesting. I have a 3 year old son who has changed my whole outlook on life, and I love him more than anything or anyone else in this world. I know I love him way more than the vagina that spawned me, though I do love her in my own way. I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, and will probably blog my opinions on how this week’s show was once it premieres in September.

I can be, at times, completely hilarious. I have a fucked-up family that I love despite some of their antics, and like most people who are truly funny – I contribute my developed sense of humor to them. I learned early on that humor makes an excellent coping mechanism, though I sometimes take it too far. Usually, I’m just funny as all hell.

I work at a family/criminal law office. My boss is the best; I love my job. My boss is a cowboy-boot wearing, mullet-sporting, earring-wearing attorney (obviously) and he’s got the greatest sense of humor. We frequently spend time at lunch quipping Pulp Fiction quotes at one another. My aunt is the paralegal here (yay for using my connections to land the best job ever!), and I sometimes swear she gave birth to me (she and my mom are twins) and that my mom took the rap for it. She and I are unbelievably alike.

To any of my family that might be reading this; I might say things that you don’t agree with. I’m not going to post names of family members, and I’ll be kind enough to give you all pseudonyms. To any readers; I might say things that you don’t agree with. Please feel free to let your opinions be known, all of you. I am well aware that no one will agree with everything I say, and I’m going to do my best to be ok with that. The only thing I ask is that my son stays out of any and all arguments. I am a momma lion, and you just don’t attack my little cub. I will probably say off-the-cuff things that I mean sarcastically but don’t read that way regarding my son. If you have any questions on how I meant something, please feel free to ask. Feel free to attack me at will; you’ll find that I border on the passive-aggressive side of arguments. I prefer to think of it as having an innate ability to hear both sides of an argument. I am not a liar by nature, and I’ll usually tell the truth. If you feel I’m wrong, present your case. I was in Mock Trial, so you may want to make sure that you substantiate your facts. Whenever I do choose to post a (carefully edited) rant, I may not necessarily substantiate my facts. And I will admit it when I know I’m just being a whiny bitch.

One of my best and most redeeming qualities is my ability to bake the shit out of just about anything. I prefer to make things from scratch, and I will post photos of my ventures to make you all salivate. *evil grin* I also enjoy making new recipes… Sort of like Keri Russel’s character in Waitress. My pride and joy is the pie I call the 8th Deadly Sin. It’s a 6-layer pie, made from chocolate crust, cinnamon French silk, chocolate ganache, and homemade almond whipped cream. I created the recipe myself by modifying a few other recipes. My pie crusts almost always have a little something extra added to them… Like when I make a pecan pie – I added chopped pecans to the crust itself. From what I heard, it was delish. Pies are my favorite, but I do cakes, cookies, bars, truffles… One of my friends even sent me a link to another blog where they made Cupcake Burgers. They were adorable. I made my batter from scratch, whereas they used box mix, but I credit Bakerella with that idea. I’d love to start a baking business* so that I could share the happiness, but I don’t have a licensed kitchen and all the advertisement has to be done by word of mouth. Bah.

The name of my blog was a tiny bit of a challenge. I needed something that fit me, but something that would be clever. I am known for being a little snarky, sassy, sarcastic, witty, clever... You all get the idea, I'm sure. I wanted something as hilarious as Mommy Wants Vodka, but I'm not much a drinker. My favorite thing to bake is pie, because you can do so many different things with it. And Sassy Pie just clicked... As for the Jesus remark, I am not very religious (I believe that there is something greater up there, but have a difficult time believing the Bible) and find religious humor hilarious. One day at lunch I remarked that if Jesus died to pay for our sins, we may as well give him his money's worth. That one cracked my boss up, as he's a 'recovering Catholic'.

I'm on Twitter, and you're more than welcome to follow me. Just look at the Widget and follow the Yellow Brick Road. :)

So, till next time reader(s).

*Disclaimer; I am not using this blog as a means to drum up business or solicit sales, simply relating my desire to start a business. This is a personal blog only.

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