To Ashley's house we go, then to Wal*Mart we go... Wait, that doesn't rhyme. Fuck, I suck at that.

So, I got the best surprise EVER a few weeks ago when Aunt Becky was delivered right to my front door! She arrived surrounded by sparkling hearts bearing an invitation to a non-existent party. I was initially disappointed; but then I realized that the party was standing right in front of me!

(Be jealous)

Anywho, Aunt Becky and I have been chilling out the last few weeks. We've been watching movies, reading books, watching adult films...

*cough*

Um, aaaanyways. We had to take a trip to Wal*Mart last night to buy fish food, and I decided we should take some photos to document our precious time together.

The following is a true story. None of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, because there are no innocents in this story.

Aunt Becky decided that she wanted to drive. It took me forever to find enough phone books for her to see over the wheel, but that's okay. She's worth it.

As soon as we arrived at Wal*Mart, she beelined straight for the essentials. I decided that considering the 'activities' of the past few weeks, we were running low on KY anyhow, so I picked up a (few) bottle(s).

When we saw these shorts, we had to giggle. It reminded us both of ice-cream cone socks, high ponytails, scrunchies and knotted t-shirts, and so Aunt Becky insisted on taking a photo with them. We were documenting for posterity, people.

We finally made it to the pet section, and Aunt Becky helped me find the fish food I needed to buy. But not until we played one good (loud) game of Marco Polo. I didn't get any photos of that because, well, it's a verbal game. And I was Marco. Hard to take photos with your eyes closed.

We were about to leave when Aunt Becky decided that she needed a new Harlequinn book. It's deliciously smutty, just like Aunt Becky!

By the way, darling, every time feels like the first time with you...

We had a fun time, and decided to keep the good times rolling by cracking open some more vodka - it's even a girly flavor, just like Aunt Becky likes it. Are we soul mates or what?

Even after drinking all that vodka, she still wasn't drunk enough to sleep with me. So I did the only thing I could to push her over the edge; I tempted her with a foursome. Ben and Jerry do it every time. :)

Because this is not an NC-17 blog, this was the only photo I could get of the activities that followed. Let me just say, there were handcuffs, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, cupcakes and llamas involved. It was hot and kinky.

Aunt Becky decided to come with me to work today, and when I was getting ready to schmear my bagel she insisted on taking a photo with it. Because she said they looked like boobs with inverted nipples. I've corrupted her so well!

Now she's lecturing me on proper blogging etiquette. It's so humbling to have such a fabulous blogger here, in person, giving me blogging advice. Because Aunt Becky is, like, one of the many goddesses of blogging. It's like having Hera giving you advice on how to deal with a philandering husband.

The Daver, eat your heart out. I'm keeping Aunt Becky forever.