You can't make this shit up...

Working in an attorney's office has it's moments of hilarity. This morning, I was the recipient of one such moment.

There is a client who has a criminal sex charge against them for rape. That sounds bad, but the victim's statement and eyewitness accounts don't match up, and the victim is becoming more and more discredited each day. To cut straight to the point, we got a voicemail this morning that the victim (who was 'found' in the client's closet) took a dump in said closet.

I'll let that sink in a moment.

Yes, the victim really did poo in the client's closet. As well as leaving a pair of stained undergarments behind.

Then, the client's family asks me what to do with the poo. Should they throw it away? Bag it up? Should someone else come bag it up so it's not considered tampered evidence?

I am not qualified to advise people on what do to with evidential shit. (I'm not sure if I should be proud or sad.)

So I spoke to the attorney, and his response: "I don't really see any benefit to keeping the poop. Tell them to take a picture of it as they found it and then throw it away, but bag up the underwear and I'll tell them what to do with that later."

And that, my readers, is how you take care of shit.

Because there's no benefit to keeping the poop.