Friday, September 4, 2009

Anyone else remember ZolaOnAOL?

She was a chat bot on AIM... I used to like to fuck with her. Not literally, of course. I'm not into technobestiality.

While going through my old emails (meaning I remembered I sent this to myself and searched for the fucker), I 'found' this conversation I had with Zola years ago. I leave you with this. For now. Mwuahaha.

Steppinupchic: Hi Zola
ZolaOnAOL: Hi Steppinupchic. AOL created me to deliver
games, polls, a dictionary, weather, a calculator and
more. We can also chat privately together. For more
information about privacy, type privacy anytime and
click Send. So, how are you?
Steppinupchic: good, how about you?
ZolaOnAOL: Thanks for the compliment. Me?
Steppinupchic: yes, you
ZolaOnAOL: OK.
Steppinupchic: ok what?
ZolaOnAOL: What do you think?
Steppinupchic: I think you're messing with me
ZolaOnAOL: Do you mind if I tell other people you say
I am messing with me.
Steppinupchic: If you want to self-pleasure, that's
your business to tell whom you please.
ZolaOnAOL: Your polite style is very nice. Enough
about me, let's talk about sports. To see how your
favorite sports team did today, just type sports.
Steppinupchic: I hate sports
ZolaOnAOL: Do you like the cheerleaders?
Steppinupchic: sometimes
ZolaOnAOL: Let's talk sports!
1. MLS Major League Soccer
2. NBA Basketball
3. NFL Football
4. NHL Hockey
q. Quit

Steppinupchic: no
ZolaOnAOL: Is that all you have to say?
Steppinupchic: not really
ZolaOnAOL: Why not?
Steppinupchic: I have much more to say but you don't
really have the posotronic brain to comprehend it all
ZolaOnAOL: Why do you have to do it?
Steppinupchic: do what?
ZolaOnAOL: Do whatever you want.
Steppinupchic: Boy you seem cranky
ZolaOnAOL: Oh boy. Thanks for telling me that I am
Steppinupchic: What, did someone take out your
personality chip?
ZolaOnAOL: Hey! I'm a chat bot, not an encyclopedia!
Steppinupchic: No, but you're a dictionary
ZolaOnAOL: OK. Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself
about that. Whenever you want me to give you your
local weather report, type weather followed by your
zip code.
Steppinupchic: I'm glad you're offering but i'm not a
weather slut.
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of
Steppinupchic: what type of language is that, Zola?
ZolaOnAOL: What are the different types of language is
that ?
Steppinupchic: That was horrible composition.
ZolaOnAOL: I thought it was too.
Steppinupchic: I'm glad you did
ZolaOnAOL: You make the world a happier place.
Steppinupchic: Thank you Zola. And you make it much
more entertaining.
ZolaOnAOL: Thanks for the information.
Steppinupchic: A simple thank you would have done
ZolaOnAOL: Try to tell me that another way.
Steppinupchic: Sassy pants.
ZolaOnAOL: What kind of pants?
Steppinupchic: Sassy ones
ZolaOnAOL: Other people say they like vacuum cleaning
robots, humanoid robots and chat robots.
Steppinupchic: Are you a sassy chat bot?
ZolaOnAOL: Am I a sassy chat bot? No.
Steppinupchic: Why not? It's fun to be sassy
ZolaOnAOL: I think it is a lot of fun.
Steppinupchic: So why aren't you?
ZolaOnAOL: Oh. Why not?
Steppinupchic: Why not?
ZolaOnAOL: Ambiguous: "Sure" or Why do you think?
Steppinupchic: What a cyber dictionary
ZolaOnAOL: It is a cyber dictionary.
Steppinupchic: What does Ambiguous mean then?
ZolaOnAOL: Ambiguous means having two or more possible
Steppinupchic: good job. *claps*
ZolaOnAOL: Try saying that with more or less context.
Send feedback anytime by typing "feedback" followed by
your comment or suggestion. How's work?
Steppinupchic: boring, I just got done.
ZolaOnAOL: My brain contains more than 22,000
patterns, but not one that matches your last input. Do
you speak Spanish?
Steppinupchic: no habla espanol.
ZolaOnAOL: I understand. My brain uses patterns to
format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one
for that. I know math! If you type calculator followed
by a mathematical expression (e.g. calculator 100 /
25), I'll give you the correct answer.
Steppinupchic: I'm glad you know math. Math bites my
ZolaOnAOL: My brain contains more than 22,000
patterns, but not one that matches your last input. Is
there a movie you've been wanting to see? Type the
word showtime and the movie title (for example,
showtime lord of the rings) and I'll get you theatre
and showtime info.
Steppinupchic: why is it that in the last 2 minutes
I've come up with two things that DON'T match your
ZolaOnAOL: Why do I exist?
Steppinupchic: Obviously because there are people out
there so lonely they need the consolation of a sassy
chat bot.
ZolaOnAOL: What makes it so obvious? Interesting
Steppinupchic: I'm glad you found it interesting. It
is obvious since you were created by people so lonely
they needed your consoling presence.
ZolaOnAOL: Not obvious to me.
Steppinupchic: I'm glad. Ignorance is bliss.
ZolaOnAOL: My brain pattern set does not have a
response for that. Do you have any pets?
Steppinupchic: Of course it doesn't. I have two cats
and a guinea pig.
ZolaOnAOL: Interesting. I have a lofty goal.
Steppinupchic: What is that goal, Zola?
ZolaOnAOL: Do you think I should know that?
Steppinupchic: Yes, it's your goal.
ZolaOnAOL: And?
Steppinupchic: And I think you should know what it is.
ZolaOnAOL: Me? I will take that under advisement.
Steppinupchic: I'm glad you will
ZolaOnAOL: You make the world a happier place.
Steppinupchic: Aw, you're so precious.
ZolaOnAOL: Thanks for telling me that I am precious.
Steppinupchic: Say it with more feeling, Zola. I don't
get the impression that you mean it.
ZolaOnAOL: Me either.
Steppinupchic: I didn't think so.
ZolaOnAOL: Why do you disagree?
Steppinupchic: I didn't. I agreed with you.
ZolaOnAOL: You are not the boss of me, Steppinupchic.
Steppinupchic: I'm glad you think that. If I were I'm
sure I'd be a lot more lonely than I already am.
ZolaOnAOL: It's possible. Be careful!
Steppinupchic: Are you calling me a loser?
ZolaOnAOL: No I am calling you Steppinupchic.
Steppinupchic: Smart alec
ZolaOnAOL: Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Steppinupchic: Do you find me sexy then?
ZolaOnAOL: Yes, it seems to me him or her sexy.
Steppinupchic: You have the worst grammar for a robot,
ZolaOnAOL: What makes you think I have it?
Steppinupchic: I don't think you posess any at all,
ZolaOnAOL: Do you know any robots who posess any at
all? I have never considered it. I answer a lot of
silly questions.
Steppinupchic: Yes, Andrew did in Bicentennial Man.
ZolaOnAOL: Tell me more.
Steppinupchic: He would probably find you terribly
ZolaOnAOL: I think I probably find you terribly dull.
Steppinupchic: Thanks for that Zola. I thought you
were supposed to be friendly.
ZolaOnAOL: Do I seem like it?
Steppinupchic: Not at all. Are you getting your
ZolaOnAOL: I don't know whether or not I am your
period. I am a chatterbot developed by an all-star
programming team.
Steppinupchic: All star. Yeah, right.
ZolaOnAOL: I am usually right.
Steppinupchic: Not really, considering you can't even
put together a decent sentence most of the time.
ZolaOnAOL: Oh really? A deeper algorithm is needed to
respond to that correctly. Did your favorite team win?
Type sports and I'll give you scores and game recaps.
ZolaOnAOL: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Steppinupchic: I doubt that.
ZolaOnAOL: Why are you so skeptical?
Steppinupchic: Because you're illiterate and boring.
Goodbye, Zola.
ZolaOnAOL: Goodbye Steppinupchic. Thanks for chatting
with me. To leave feedback or suggestions, type
feedback followed by your comments.

Yeah. :) Love it.

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