Thursday, September 17, 2009

Shiny, shiny shoes...

Sooooo, welcome to the new blog template!


Am I sassy enough for you? You bet your sweet little net-surfing asses I am! And now my blog is shinier, prettier, and sassier. Because we have to keep up with things, people. Seriously. None of that shitty-looking blog template to defile your eyes, sweet kittens.

And shoes? Well, I love them. With the passion of a Biggest Loser contestant that finds themselves locked in a bakery overnight. Except shoes don't slather over my skin as well as buttercream does.

There was another template I briefly considered. But Aunt Becky helped me see the pornographic, retina-burning-blaze-orange error of my ways. And I'm going to try and fix this light font, don't you worry. So please be patient if all of a sudden my font turns white or some crap. I'll fix it all one way or the other. If you'd like to find a spiffy new template for yourselves, scope out PYZAM. I think they're just for blogger, but I'm a fucking idiot today so I can't be relied upon for anything, really.

My aunt is now out of surgery, and everything went as well as could be expected. It was textbook. She will be released tomorrow, so hopefully she'll only be out for two weeks. Because to be honest, while I'm not exactly nervous about doing my best at doing both her job and mine at the same time... I'm not completely at ease, either. I just figure I'm going to have to take what comes my way and figure out how to get shit done.

Today is a slow day. I'm just not quite on my tip-top awesomeness. Which, I know, you didn't think was possible. So I'm going to entertain you by telling you the story of the first time I met Erf's parents. Because it's goddamn funny.

Erf's parents invited me up to dinner a few weeks after we started dating. I, of course, was the proper amount of a nervous wreck. I liked this guy, and I hoped that his parents liked me. But I know now that, well, everyone likes me. :) Erf was done with school early that day (yes, we're high school sweethearts. Awwww....)(Shyaddup.), and so he and his sister came to pick me up. My hair looked fine, I had minimal makeup on... Enough to look pretty and like I cared about my appearance, but not too much. Don't want to scream 'WHORE' when I walk in.

We walked in to the house and I was introduced. Things had that amount of tension in the air that there always seems to be when you first meet your significant other's parents. But that's ok, everyone always expects it. You don't want to say the wrong thing, because really, it's like an audition.

We sat down to the first of the many dinners I've had there; beef stroganoff. I even ate the onions, and I'm one of the pickiest eaters I know. We're all sitting around making small talk and chit-chatting between bites, when Erf's mom apparently decided it was just too tense.

So she decided to break the ice with this little gem:

"So, Ashley. Did you know that (Erf) has one nut that's smaller than the other?"

I almost pissed myself. She just pulled it into the conversation so casually. Like she was asking if I knew if he had blonde hair.

Poor Erf turned purple, he was so embarrassed. Here I hadn't even gotten into his pants yet, and his mom is asking me about his testicles.

Cindy and I got along famously from that point on. She was one of the sweetest, funniest people I've ever met. I wish Erflet could have met her. They would have loved each other so much...

In other news, my friend Cheryl's (who I met for dinner and drinks last night) job is moving her to the same building and the same floor as I work in! We're gonna be next-door-floor neighbors! I'm pretty psyched about that.

So, um, yeah. I'm going to go drink my jasmine tea (this tea is the shit) and possibly watch the New Moon Trailer again... Cause I'm a fucking dork today. :)

7 dished:

Amy said...

I didn't realize you guys were in high school when your future MIL said that!! That somehow makes the entire story even funnier!

GAWD...I would kill to have a laid back MIL like that.

P.S. LOVE that you're referring to your son as Erflet! So cute:)

Sassy Pie said...

Haha, yes. I was a junior, he was a senior.

I wish she was still around. I'm sure I'd get plenty of good material from her. :)

And, amazingly, Erf is actually one of my husband's nicknames. So it seems only fitting that out son (who looks like Erf popped him out of his ass without any help from me) is nicknamed Erflet. :)

Mrs Soup said...

omg that is hilarious.

A much better first meeting with the future MIL!

Mine ran out of the room crying after meeting me.

Let me tell ya, THAT was a kick to the ego....

Mrs Soup said...

Oh, and Jasmine Tea is SERIOUSLY the shit! Oh my yes.

Sassy Pie said...

Awww, sad! I'm sorry that you had such a bad MIL experience.

And Jasmine tea is totally the shit. That and Vanilla Chai are the only two I like. But jasmine's my favorite. :)

Aunt Becky said...

Fucking balls.

Sassy Pie said...

Haha, it was awesome. And every guy has one smaller than the other. But Seriously? To pull that out the first time you meet your son's girlfriend?

She ruled. :)