Friday, September 11, 2009

You will find out more about me than you ever wanted to. I promise.

If you're feeling lucky, I have one simple question for ya. Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?


My question is this: what in the ever-loving hell is it that is even remotely sexy about watching someone spit in another person's mouth?

Hubby and I rented an adult movie to have some special time together, and being in a kind sort of mood... Well, I picked one that he wanted. No, it was not a flick full of spit, it was of the 'squirting' genre. Not golden showers, but female orgasms.

Confession time: it gave me a bit of a complex. I kind of wish I could do that. Not just because I know it turns Hubby on; but because I should not be the only one who gets messy.

Also, as I was in the video rental portal last night, I was talking to the kid behind the counter. We'll call him Kevin, because I think that's his name. I was making small chit-chat with Kevin, waiting for this little creeper to move to the other side of the video rental portal and away from the adult film corner. He finally did, I went back and retrieved the grey-covered movie I wanted, and watched the front counter. Because while I'm by no means embarassed by the fact that I have a healthy appreciation for porn, I don't want this skeezy kid knowing what KIND of porn I watch.

He was like 5'5", chubby, creepy in a "He-might-stalk-me-and-kill-me-so-no-one-else-can-have-me" way, and had this nasty wannabe goatee going on. His facial hair was so scraggly and sparse, it made me want to vomit.

And he was just sitting there and talking with Kevin. And talking. And Talking. AND TALKING.

Extremely irritating. Because every time I'd talk to Kevin, the kid would jump in the conversation like he wanted to impress me. It was like, little boy... Don't make hurt you. Because I really don't want to be within five feet of you.

Anywho (see, told you that you'd find out more about me than you wanted to), we were watching the movie and making lots of fun at the expense of the terrible, terrible acting. I even said to him at one point, "If I paid $7.50 to rent a comedy, I'm going to be pissed." The funniest set was this girl with greasy hair who came 'home' looking exhausted to a husband who was on the couch. He was 'so tired from standing on his feet in the unemployment line all day' and she had masturbated at work (where she's a 'waitress') with a spatula and some syrup. And it was probably the WORST acting I've ever seen in a porno. And I've seen some bad acting before this.

We started getting frisky... A few times... And after a while we were just sort of watching the movie to see if anything else was gonna happen. And then during the best set so far... The girl with the prettiest face so far, and the guy with the biggest snausage so far; well, he spit in her mouth. Oh dear lord. And Hubby and I chorused together, "Well, that did it for me." And we shut it off.

I know that there are many worse genres of porn and many other more offensive acts out there. And I probably wouldn't watch those either. I mean, there's bestiality, two girls one cup... Underage Asian anime rape-fantasy porn... Things that make you go bllleeeehhhh.

*Shivers* Seriously.

Though on a semi-unrelated note... When I was still baking my baby bun, Hubby and I were taking a shower together (oooh yeah, kink!) and he sneezed. Right in my face. While I had my mouth open. And a booger flew into my mouth and hit me in the back of the throat.

I very nearly vomited on him. Wouldn't you have?

I keep forgetting that today is 9/11. I mean, I know it's the 11th of September, but I keep forgetting that it's 9/11. Then I see all the Facebook statuses saying, "We will never forget" and I feel like a huge asshole because I am not one of those people who remembers shit like that. And I look out my office window (on the 7th floor, tres posh) and I see the flag at half mast. And I wondered who died. And then I remembered, DUH.

I'm such a dipshit. Bah.

But even though I'm a dipshit, please go vote for me at Aunt Becky's blog! I'm number 15, and I'm still tied in 7th place. I know I'd be Livin On A Prayer to get up into the top 3, but Ooooh, I'm over halfway there...

Not that being tied in 7th place isn't a great score for someone who's only been blogging for a month. But I'd drop down on my knees and write a Post Of Praise to you all if I could get above 4th! And my thanks to those of you little lovies who have already voted for me. :) Because I know there are 13 of you out there somewhere...

6 dished:

Mrs Soup said...

That's why we get our stuff from the internets. No creepy-going-to-stalk-you people. *shudder*

Sassy Pie said...

Haha! Normally it's not so bad. Plus, I don't want to spend $40 on a porno that I don't like. I'd rather rent first and buy later. :)

Amy said...

This is hilarious! Yes, I think the spitting in each other's mouths is beyond disgusting. In similar fashion peeing and/or pooping on others is also of the vile nature.

But whatever floats your boat, right?

Sassy Pie said...

Thanks! There apparently used to be a video called, "Two girls, one cup" where two asian women poo-ed in a cup, ate it, and took turns vomiting in each other's mouths. It's now outlawed in the US.

I know everyone has their own kinky fetishes, but if I wanted to watch spit-swapping, I would have rented, "Hawk A Loogie On My Tonsils 4". Yech. Wet kisses are one thing, literally moving back to get better aiming power is another. :)

The Other Evan said...

Yeah, I dunno what is up with the spitting thing either. I mean, I've seen everything, from 2 girls 1 cup to the Jamjar guy, basically more degrading and shocking crap than you can shake your stick at, but I have no idea what the allure for spitting in someone else's mouth would be to anybody. I mean, if you're gonna swap spit, at least make it a Persian snowball....

Sassy Pie said...

Is that cum-swapping? That, I can understand - even if I don't think it's sexy.

One guy one jar almost made me puke, seriously.