Thursday, September 3, 2009

The song 99 Red Balloons made me feel particularly stabby last night.

No, I don't particularly dislike the song 99 Red Balloons. It really has nothing to do with the song itself. I think it's a great song to jam to sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean like that time I was working for Lifetouch Church Directories (yes, you can laugh at the irony) and I was driving somewhere in the Bum-fuck of Minnesota and the only radio station I could get (because Hubby had accidentally broken my antenna) was playing 99 Red Balloons. So it was cool. But then it played some crappy song next, and I sucked it up and stuck my CD back in. Even though I'd been listening to the damned thing for two hours and was sick of it.

When it comes at me unexpectedly and I'm in the mood for it, I'm good with 99 Red Balloons. Also, when that song played in Wedding Crashers, I was okay with it. Alright, I think it was a deleted scene or a gag reel or something, but it was still pretty cool.

However, after coming home from a short night of having one margarita and a children's order of nachos (because that's HOW I ROLL) I decided to switch out the movies since Son and Hubby are home together and they might want to watch movies. So I picked up Meet The Robinsons and Coraline for them, and Watchmen for Hubby.

I am also feeling stabby that Jeffrey Dean Morgan was a total skeezoid prickface in this movie. He was all Chester-The-Molesterish. And it made me sad, because JDM should always be awesome like Denny. Always. Never skeezy and grody.

This movie SUCKED MY ASS. Like, I started watching it with Hubby and I felt this tugging sensation in my pants and I was like, "Watchmen? Why are you sucking on my anus?" And it pried it's lips from my rectum and said, "Because."

The movie's style was similar to Death Proof, except that Death Proof was kinda cool. It was all, Whoa! Random flashbacks for no apparent reason! and I was all, What the hell? Apparently it's about this group of retired superheros who were the shit back in the 40's, and some whackjob is snuffing them one at a time. Oh, and Russia wants to obliterate the world. Which is this odd subplot that seems to have just been thrown in there. And they're all old and wrinkly and fat and not at all remarkable (except Dr. Manhattan and Rorschach) but they can still whip ass.

The movie begins with the ass-whupping and death of one superhero. Then as they're poignantly zooming in upon the other has-beens surrounding his casket at the cemetery, they play 99 Red Balloons. What. The. Everloving. Fuck.

I just don't understand. There's a scene with Silk Spider II and whoever Patrick Wilson was playing and they're strolling down a dark alley and 20 guys come up and they just beat the crap out of them and walk away from it all. No fanfare, no amount of real awesome to it. No one wants to watch old balding creepies beat people up. Or watch superheros try to rape other superheros and later on shoot pregnant women.

Bah. I should have rented Body Of Lies.

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